Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
