I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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