Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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