Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
