i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
