I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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