It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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