He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
