Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
