Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
