How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
