Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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