I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize