found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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