Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
