I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
