I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
