Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize