you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
