I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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