I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
