U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
