I want to walk on stilts...naked
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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