she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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