Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize