I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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