So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
