you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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