When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
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