Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
