Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
