question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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