any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
