Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
