apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
