We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
