i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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