During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
