guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
