WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
