Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
