We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
