I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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