One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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