I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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