so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
