I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
