Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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