I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's shark week go big or go home
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize