I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
