And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize