We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
