Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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