Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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