Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
