threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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