Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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