I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
