So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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