So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
