Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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