I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
