I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
