The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
