I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
