he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
