I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
