I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
