census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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