that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
