I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
