carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
