I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
