Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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