Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize