fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
