I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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