i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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