I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
