just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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