they need to just BURY HIM!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
