I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's official drugs can't kill me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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