I wish my penis had an off switch
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
