I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
