Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize