All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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