so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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