I think I died a long time ago.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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