I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize