it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
