since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
