I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
