Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just invented taco cereal.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
