Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
