Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
