i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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