you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize