I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
