I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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