I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
