a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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