Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
