now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
