so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
