Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
