You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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